Let’s take a second to speak about the condition and state of what I shall refer to as “restrooms” on “luxury” buses and their impact on modern society—quite possibly the environment—and my very impressionable young mind. I think the last time I was in one of those was, um, never, because I like myself sans plague and also because I have nightmares of spilling out into the alleyway somewhere between the Jersey Turnpike and HELP I’ve Fallen And I Can’t Get Up. You have to think, if someone’s restrooms look like they’ve been through a hostile takeover lead by amoebas, and are missing the ever-crucial antibacterial wet nap, what must the rest of their bus be infested by, besides lepers and other hostile amoebas?
A native of Baltimore, I travel back and forth from New York regularly and I have literally seen and been emotionally scarred by it all: Drivers with road rage, loose timing belts, odd karate moves, unspeakable health violations. But then, out of my exhaust clouds of despair, a beacon of light and hope: My mother, a newspaper clipping in her left hand and an e-mail recommendation in her right, actually telling me to take the bus to end all buses, (Cue “Ode to Joy” or “Fanfare for the Common Man”) the Megabus!
At the expense of sounding like a horrible infomercial, have no fear, fellow travelers, the Megabus is here! Started in the UK (The UK!), with fares starting from a dollar (A Dollar!), the Megabus is clean, well-mannered, organized and always punctual. More excellent still, there are actually two levels on the bus and, get this, actual tables. Think of it as your travel soul mate, transportationally speaking, only less long walks on the beach, more free Wi-Fi. Anyway, the Megabus cannot be explained with mere words; One must experience it to believe. So, what are you waiting for, check it out!
